Ending a Conversation

The aim of this work is to enable the children to develop their skills in ending a conversation appropriately.  This will mean improving their awareness of the ways we typically start to end a conversation and then helping them to practise these skills. 

They may need to recap on their non verbal skills, particularly their body language as much of our conversational skills are dependant on good non verbal skills. 

Here are a few activities that you can do to help to introduce the topic of ending a conversation:

Modelling inappropriate and appropriate ways to end a conversation

I will usually introduce this topic by using Scenario 31 of the Talkabout DVD which has 1 clip demonstrating an inappropriate way to end a conversation and 1 clip showing an appropriate way to end a conversation. 

In these clips Tom and Kavitha are talking at a party.  In the first clip Tom suddenly walks off in the middle of the conversation.  Ask the children what Tom was like at ending the conversation.  How did he appear and how do they think Kavitha felt? Ask the children what Tom should have done. Then show the appropriate clip – what did he do that was good?

If you don’t have the DVD, then try modelling the skills yourself (see issue 17 for tips on modelling).  Consider demonstrating:

• No verbal ending – just walking off
• Abrupt ending
• Lots of non verbal exit cues but no verbal ending, so conversation continues
• Inappropriate verbal ending to situation e.g. too familiar or formal

Brainstorm

Ask the children to discuss how you might know if someone wants to end the conversation.  What do you see?  You may have some ideas following the modelling or DVD and you may also want to watch other conversations that occur either around the school or on TV. 

Try to look for what happens non verbally, for example, people looking away, shifting body posture and moving away slightly, putting things away, and an increase in fidgeting.  

Also, ask the children to notice what is happening verbally, for example: monosyllabic answers and comments such as ‘well I ought to be going’, ‘I don’t want to keep you’, ‘It’s been good talking’ and ‘is that the time?’.

The children could then brainstorm all the different things they could say to help end a conversation.

Things I could say to end a conversation…

Click here for a printable version of the above image to use for this activity.

The 4 step plan

Use the above brainstorm to discuss and agree with the children the 4 step plan to ending a conversation

Ending a conversation – the 4 step plan (Taken from Talkabout for Teenagers, 2009)   

	Start giving exit cues You can do this through your body language e.g. looking away, move slightly away from them, put your things away or get out your keys. Verbally you will need to start to talk less and maybe only give very short responses to them e.g. ‘mm’ or ‘oh’
	Take control of the conversation This means that you need to encourage the other person to stop speaking.  Wait for a pause and then say something like ‘well that’s been very helpful’ or ‘it’s been lovely seeing you again’.  If you need to finish the conversation suddenly, you will need to explain e.g. ‘I’m sorry I have to rush – there’s my bus’
	Close the conversation Verbally this may mean saying ‘bye’ or ‘see you later’ and non verbally you may smile and in some situations use physical contact such as a handshake or a hug.
	…and leave! You can now make your exit!

Ending a conversation – ‘time for bed’
(Activity from Talkabout Activities, 2003)

The children are all seated in a circle. The group leaders model a short conversation and then one of the leaders chooses one of the ways to end the conversation taken from the brainstorm. 

The activity then continues around the room with each child having a turn to end the conversation with the group leader. 

Role play

Ask the children to get into pairs and practise a conversation and in particular to practise how they are going to end it. 

Ask them to spend a little while giving ‘exit cues’ and then to show how they might take control of the conversation and finally end it. 

The children then demonstrate their role play to the rest of the group.  As a variation, you may choose to put them in larger groups and ask a couple of them to take the lead on ending the conversation. This can feel less daunting than pair work. 

So hopefully that has given you a few ideas on how you could tackle ending a conversation.  In the next issue we will move onto assertiveness. 

Alex Kelly
Speech & language therapist and social skills consultant www.alexkelly.biz

Alex Kelly is the author of Speechmark's best selling Talkabout series.

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See the Talkabout online assessment tool at www.alexkelly.biz

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