Starting a Conversation

The aim of this work is to enable the children to develop their skills in starting a conversation appropriately. 

This will mean improving their awareness of the ways we typically start a conversation and then providing opportunities for the children to practise these skills. 

They may need to recap on their non verbal skills such as body language and paralinguistic skills as much of our conversational skills are dependant on good non verbal skills. 

Here are a few activities that you can do to help to introduce the topic of starting a conversation:

Modelling inappropriate and appropriate conversation starters

I often introduce this topic by using Scenario 25 of the Talkabout DVD which has 2 clips demonstrating inappropriate conversation starters and 1 clip showing appropriate conversation starters.

In these clips, it is Liane’s first day at work and in the first clip, Sonia, another employee, starts the conversation inappropriately by going straight into an inappropriate topic. In the second clip, she asks too many questions and in the third clip she demonstrates appropriate skills. 

Ask the children what Sonia was like at starting up a conversation.  How did she appear and how do they think Liane feels? After the first 2 clips, ask the children what Sonia should have done.

If you don’t have the DVD, then try modelling the skills yourself (see last issue for tips on modelling). 

Consider demonstrating:

• No greeting – straight into topic
• Inappropriate topic to situation e.g. personal remark
• Questions and no time for response

Brainstorm

Ask the children to brainstorm all the different ways they can start a conversation. 

Introduce them to the fact that we tend to start conversations in one of 5 ways and ask them to see if they can think of an example under each heading. 

When do they think they might use each one?

Starting up a conversation – the 5 ways we do it
(Taken from Talkabout for Teenagers, 2009)   

	1. Asking questions… For example… ‘Excuse me, where’s the station?’ or ‘Is this the bus to the City centre?’ These are good when you don’t know someone or if you are trying to get to know someone.
	2. Requesting or giving something… For example… ‘Can you pass me the salt?’ or ‘I have a parcel for Mr Smith’ These can be used with both familiar and unfamiliar people.
	3. Commenting on the environment… For example… ‘It’s very hot today’ This kind of conversation starter is the most impersonal and often how we start conversations with strangers as they are the least threatening..
	4. General greeting For example… ‘Hello’ or ‘Good morning’              This is a common way to start a conversation.  Only go on to introduce yourself in a more formal situation or if you are being introduced to someone.
	5. Personal remark For example… ‘I like your hair’ or ‘You look lovely today’ These are mostly used with people you already know.

Homework

Ask the children to write down some examples of how they started conversations during a week.  Who was it with and what did they say?  They could include conversations that other people started with them if they want.  Did any of them not go well? Why?

Checking on my non verbals

Ask the children to think about what we need to do with our non verbal behaviour to make sure we start the conversation well. 

Ask them to think about their body language and their voices.  In particular you want them to come up with the following rules:

Remember to…
	Smile! Look at the person! Look friendly! Use a nice voice!

The following 2 activities can be used to help the children practise their skills.

Pass the greeting

The children are all seated in a circle. Choose a child to go first and they turn to their neighbour, say hello and add one sentence that would be a good beginning to a conversation. 

For example, ‘how are you today?’ ‘I like your new pencil case’, ‘are you going to football tonight?’  Their neighbour then answers and moves on to their neighbour. 

The children then discuss the different ways they started their conversation. You could alter it by asking them to only ask questions or comment about the environment etc. 

Musical starters

The children are asked to walk around the room.  While they are walking the group leader tells them that when he or she says ‘stop’ they are to start a conversation with the person nearest to them by asking them a question. 

The activity continues and each time the group leader changes it to another way to start e.g. comment on the environment. 

When they have practised all 5 ways, the children discuss which ones were good and which ones were not. 

They are encouraged to practise this skill during the week and to feedback at the following session (Talkabout for Teenagers, 2009).

So hopefully that has given you a few ideas on how you could tackle conversation starters.  In the next issue, we will think about teaching ending a conversation. 

Alex Kelly
Speech & language therapist and social skills consultant www.alexkelly.biz

Alex Kelly is the author of Speechmark's best selling Talkabout series.

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See the Talkabout online assessment tool at www.alexkelly.biz

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