So, what are these 'social skills' or these 'identifiable units of behaviour'?

Social skills can be divided into 3 areas: non-verbal behaviour, verbal behaviour and assertive behaviour.

Non-verbal behaviour

Non-verbal communication is fascinating as it is unavoidable in the presence of other people – you may decide not to speak, or be unable to communicate verbally, but you still give messages about yourself to others through your face and body. Indeed, 93% of the information that is communicated from person to person is non-verbal and it is well known that we rarely trust words alone. Non-verbal behaviours have various functions: they can replace words, repeat what is spoken, emphasise a verbal message (especially the emotional type), regulate interaction or contradict what is being said, revealing a true feeling.

Non-verbal behaviour can be subdivided into body language and paralinguistic skills.

Body language can be further broken down into eight behaviours:

Eye contact. We use eye contact to indicate that we are attending to others; to watch for non-verbal signals from others; to indicate interpersonal attitudes by the amount and type of eye contact; to emphasise what is being said; to provide feedback and attention; to manage speaking turns; to express emotions and attitudes; and to express affiliation and intimacy.

Facial expression is one of the most informative aspects of body language as the face can respond instantaneously and is the most effective way to provide feedback to another person. Facial expression communicates the main emotions; provides a rapid and continuous commentary on speech; indicates willingness for the other person to continue speaking; acts as a reinforcer through smiling and nodding of the head; and gives information about our personality and identity.

Gesture has been found to be second in importance to facial expression. Gestures can be used without words, e.g. waving; they can be used to reinforce the verbal message, e.g. by shaking a fist when angry; the hands also indicate the level of arousal and anxiety and give information about personality, feelings and attitude towards self.

Distance is used to communicate like and dislike of others; express status; and control the behaviour of others, e.g. by changing furniture, or by moving closer or further away during conversations.

Touch is the earliest form of communication used by infants and because of this, it is a powerful signal later in life to indicate sexual, affiliative or aggressive attitudes. Touch is used to communicate warmth, caring, love and affection; to indicate emotional states such as fear, distress and exuberance; and in a more ritualised way as a part of greetings and farewells.

Fidgeting. We communicate anxiety, arousal or boredom through fidgeting. Most fidgeting is done with our hands but the feet can also convey information about our level of arousal.

Posture is used to reflect our attitude and feelings about ourselves and our relationship to others; to reveal feelings about the other person; to reflect our emotional state; to reflect individual personalities and self image; and to reflect the status and power in relation to others.

Personal appearance is used primarily to send messages about ourselves and usually provides a basis for a first and sometimes long-lasting impression. It affects our self-image and our behaviour and the behaviour of those around us; it conveys information about social status, occupation and personality; and constitutes one of the main forms of self-presentation. It also signals social attitudes like sexual availability and rebelliousness, and is often a good indication of someone’s emotional state.

Paralinguistic skills or vocal cues include: volume, rate or speed, clarity, intonation and fluency. Our paralinguistic skills are used to significantly affect the meaning of what is said and therefore how it is received. They will also indicate our emotional state and people will form judgments based on their paralinguistic skills.

In summary non-verbal behaviour is the basis on which all other social skills are built and the importance of good non-verbal behaviour cannot be over estimated in terms of affecting someone’s ability to be listened to and taken seriously.

Verbal behaviours are more complex than non-verbal behaviours. They often require the combination of two or more skills being in operation at the same time. Verbal behaviour can be broken down into a number of processes.

Listening is an essential part of conversation: to understand what is being said; to communicate interest and feelings about what is being said; to give feedback to the speaker who needs to know if they are being understood; and to provide them with reinforcement for them to continue the conversation. Non-verbal skills are particularly important in listening: appropriate eye-contact, facial expression and posture all go together to indicate to the speaker that they are being listened to. Verbal aspects of listening include sounds or isolated words of agreement and encouragement or a comment on what the person is expressing.

Opening a conversation. There are a number of ways to start a conversation and these vary according to the situation. They often start with general statements of fact which are then followed by more specific details. Generally conversations are started by asking a question or requesting something, comments about the environment, greetings, exchanging information, or personal questions or remarks.

Maintaining a conversation. This can be broken down into taking turns, asking questions, answering questions, relevance and repair.

Ending a conversation. The ability to end a conversation appropriately not only involves good verbal behaviour, e.g. ‘I must be going now’, but also good non-verbal behaviour, e.g. withdrawing eye contact and shifting your body posture.

Finally assertive behaviour is the ability to use non-verbal and verbal behaviours appropriately and effectively in order to act in your own interests, stand up for yourself without due anxiety, and to express your rights without denying the rights of others. Situations in which assertive behaviour is appropriate are: expressing feelings, standing up for yourself, making suggestions, refusing, disagreeing, complaining, apologising and requesting explanations.

All of these require appropriate use of non-verbal and verbal behaviour.

In the next issue of Speech Therapy Today, we are going to consider how social skills develop and why they are sometimes impaired.

Alex Kelly
Speech & language therapist and social skills consultant

Click here to learn more about SEAL